Stress kills!
I am a perfect example of the effects of high levels of stress. At 49 all my tests were great, blood pressure good, PSA good, weight and overall health good. I hunted, fished and played with my sons and wife. We attended church together as a family, had friends and family over and enjoyed life. The boys activities were a major point in our lives and we all traveled together.
Then came back my ex wife with a vengeance. The nightmare started, and all of the things I did for enjoyment stopped and the focus became court issues.
During this time I had remarried (4 years) to a very smart and beautiful woman, This caused my ex wife of several years to start a campaign of evil. Even though I was ignorant of Parental Alienation at the time, it was very apparent that My ex wife did her best at every opportunity to bad mouth me and my wife to my sons and anyone in the community that would listen. She was and still is very angry and bitter. It seems she cannot elevate herself or herself esteem so she attempts to harm the reputation of others, to bring them down to, or below the level she feels herself in.
Long story short, (just in this blog, much more to come) My wife and I had full custody of my sons. My ex had gambled and partied away her money and after 7 cars and 2 houses, and many boyfriends (wrote me an e-mail that she had young men standing in line) all of the divorce settlement worth over $80,000 and filed bankruptcy .
It had been agreed that my ex wife would keep the children under her work health care because she stated that it only cost her $8 to do so, (I am self employed). That was fine until my ex wife had the need to cause problems. The year I was 49 my ex would not pay anything for the kids health care and raised the deductable to $3,000. After many attempts to get her to pay, including clarification from the court, She just said no to any payments and to take her to court. My wife and I paid the total deductable on my ex wife’s health care policy for that year (over $3,000) with nothing from her. My blood pressure started to climb and I was put on medication.
Later a court battle started over custody of the boys. My ex wife was broke and after finding out that I had a great cherry harvest and a super income year, put a plan in place to steal the children from me. She had always threatened to get a huge amount of child support from me but without having custody of the boys she could not. So starts the escalation of Parental Alienation and laying a ground work within people she knew. Bottom line is that with lies told by her and her attorney and statements made to the court by my two sons who were being mentally manipulated, (documented by a child psychologist the boys were court ordered to see, that it is the worst case of parental alienation that he had ever seen) stole my sons from me and branded me as abusive. This was in December of my 49th year. By March of the next year the court battle and lies continued. My heart was broken and my currant wife and I were having huge marital problems from this issue. I turned 50 and my PSA started to climb. Within 9 months it was confirmed I had cancer.
The reality is that excessive, stress can actually kill you. It can take a very healthy body and destroy it within months. When you're stressed, your body produces the hormone cortisol, which is designed to get your rear in gear as part of the fight-or-flight mechanism. However, this hormone is meant to be released only occasionally in small doses - when stress causes it to be secreted for long periods of time, the body reacts with a variety of different health consequences.
The following are seven of the major health effects caused by stress. If you're experiencing any of these conditions and believe they may be linked to stress, seek medical counseling as soon as possible:
1. Diabetes
Diabetes occurs when the body produces too little insulin to process all the sugars in your body. As these sugars build up, you may experience a number of health problems including thirst, headaches and weight loss. Over time, the condition can cause complications ranging from heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, eye damage, nerve damage, diabetic neuropathy, skin conditions, and gastrointestinal problems.
2. High Blood Pressure
High blood pressure is often referred to as a "silent killer" because there are few actual symptoms that present with the disease. High levels of stress can bring on this condition, which can result in an aneurysm,
coronary heart disease, enlarged heart, damage to the brain and even heart attack. If that isn't a good enough reason to learn to manage your stress - I don't know what is!
3. Weight Gain
People under high levels of stress often experience fluctuations in weight - as anyone who's ever taken comfort in candy bars knows all to well. However, if your weight gain gets out of control, you could be putting yourself at risk for developing cancer, heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, sleep apnea, liver disease and gallbladder disease. If you notice that you've put on a few pounds, try hitting the gym - exercise is also a natural stress reliever.
4. Susceptibility to Disease
Your body can only do so much - when you're under constant pressure, its resources are being diverted to help respond to stress. This leaves the immune system compromised and susceptible to infection by viruses and bacteria. If you've ever noticed yourself coming down with a bug when you're at your most stressed, it isn't just a coincidence - it's your body letting you know that you're under too much stress to handle safely.
5. Depression
Constant stress can make you feel like there's no way out of your predicament, which can eventually lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression. Depression is a serious disease - it's nothing to take lightly. If you find yourself feeling trapped by feelings of despair and despondency, seek professional help immediately.
6. Heart Disease
Type A people beware - stress can and does cause heart disease and heart attacks. Stress contributes to the buildup of plaque in the arteries. As the arteries narrow, the heart has to push the blood even harder to distribute it throughout the body. Over time, this extra stress on the heart can have devastating effects.
7. Cancer
While there's no proven link between stress and cancer, it's widely accepted that excessive stress is a risk factor for developing a type of this deadly disease. Overall, stress weakens the immune system which may allow cancerous tissues to develop and flourish. If you feel that excessive negative stress is causing your immune system to break down, seek help to learn effective stress management techniques that allow you to cope properly.
Showing posts with label new wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new wife. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2010
Thursday, September 17, 2009
3 Keys to Healing Parental Alienation
When children go away to college and get away from "who and what" the controlling family members want them to be, a window opens up. What they discover is their essence. Now here's the gem...
That essence is a composite of their formative years. If you were in their lives during this time, good chance you can slip back in and they can be in yours.
3 Keys to Healing Parental Alienation
There are some key things you will want to do and things you'll be best avoiding in order to rekindle your relationship with your children if you are an estranged parent.
1) Focus on what you have, and what you had, with them; not what you don't have or what you missed. To help you maintain this focus, find points of shared sweet sentiment and build out from here.
2) Trust that they don't need to understand all the elements surrounding your absence to feel their love for you and yours for them. It is already there. Always know these so-called "elements" of your story must be digested as they can be assimilated...and not a moment before.
3) Don't expect them to give you back what you lost. They can't. They don't hold what you lost, as they lost it too.
Forgive yourself and forgive your children.
It will be OK
Live your life, be happy, have fun, remember the good times and look forward to more...in the years to come.
May God Bless You
That essence is a composite of their formative years. If you were in their lives during this time, good chance you can slip back in and they can be in yours.
3 Keys to Healing Parental Alienation
There are some key things you will want to do and things you'll be best avoiding in order to rekindle your relationship with your children if you are an estranged parent.
1) Focus on what you have, and what you had, with them; not what you don't have or what you missed. To help you maintain this focus, find points of shared sweet sentiment and build out from here.
2) Trust that they don't need to understand all the elements surrounding your absence to feel their love for you and yours for them. It is already there. Always know these so-called "elements" of your story must be digested as they can be assimilated...and not a moment before.
3) Don't expect them to give you back what you lost. They can't. They don't hold what you lost, as they lost it too.
Forgive yourself and forgive your children.
It will be OK
Live your life, be happy, have fun, remember the good times and look forward to more...in the years to come.
May God Bless You
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Court destroys families for profit
Stay informed on many issues at the Mad America Blog on http://www.everythingwestern.net/
Any attorney will tell you that custody and child support are two different issues that should not be considered together. The truth is far different, however.
As we all know, child support is based on income and how much time the children spend with each parent. In most states, support is determine based on the share income model, whereby all income is pooled and then split, with support being paid to the parent who has the most custody time and/or lesser income. The closer each parent has to equal time, the less child support is due. So how does this affect the shared parenting movement and fathers gaining more custody?
First, we have to understand a few realities. Child support is determined by judges that are supposed to follow state guidelines. Judges and all of the support staff that prepare support orders and enact collection procedures are paid by the state. The state is funded by Federal grants that are determined by these 5 things:
(A) The paternity establishment performance level.
B) The support order performance level.
(C) The current payment performance level.
(D) The arrearage payment performance level.
(E) The cost–effectiveness performance level.
Let’s take these one at a time and discuss how they impact share parenting and other custody arrangements.
(A) Paternity establishment.—
(i) Determination of paternity establishment performance level.—
The paternity establishment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is, at the option of the State, the IV-D paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(A) or the statewide paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(B).
Now, remember that custody and child support are handled separately in court. So, this section of the code is encouraging states to find fathers and determine paternity. Why? So they can collect child support, with nothing in the code to encourage that the newly identified father receive custody or even visitation from a woman who may not have even told them she was pregnant.
Further why is there no code for vigilantly enforcing child support orders against mothers? There are plenty of single fathers not receiving child support, yet you’ll not soon see stories about deadbeat mothers (despite the reality that mothers who are ordered to pay child support default in whole or in part at a percentage much higher than fathers).
(B) Establishment of child support orders.—
(i) Determination of support order performance level.—The support order performance level for a State for a fiscal year is the percentage of the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which there is a support order during the fiscal year.
Did you read that?The more cases in which child support is ordered, the more money the state receives. It’s in the states’ best interests, and the best interests of the workers of the state (the ones that are judging and deciding how much custody you get) to keep one parent out of the picture in order to maximize the number of child support dollars.
(C) Collections on current child support due.—
(i) Determination of current payment performance level.—The current payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount of current support collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount of current support owed during the fiscal year in all cases under the State plan, expressed as a percentage.
So, now that the state has forced a child support order, rather than making sure the children have equal access to both parents, the state has only assured that they are going to benefit by how much child support they actually collect. Is there anyone who doesn’t already know that children with two parents in their lives fair better than those raised by mothers alone?
This is the reason fathers, in the overwhelming majority of cases, go to jail for failure to pay child support. Meanwhile, nothing happens to mothers who withhold or deny visitation because the court has no financial incentive to hold mothers to custody agreements/orders.
(D) Collections on child support arrearages.—
(i) Determination of arrearage payment performance level.—The arrearage payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which payments of past–due child support were received during the fiscal year and part or all of the payments were distributed to the family to whom the past–due child support was owed (or, if all past–due child support owed to the family was, at the time of receipt, subject to an assignment to the State, part or all of the payments were retained by the State) divided by the total number of cases under the State plan in which there is past–due child support, expressed as a percentage.
As we’ve seen in many recent child support cases, arrearages are being assessed by recalculating back support orders, or even awarding attorneys fees, even when involved in contempt issues which are completely separate from support orders. The arrearages then count towards additional financial incentives the states receive. It’s in their best interests to stick non-custodial parents with as many fees as possible, rolling them into “child support orders,” in order to have the largest arrearages possible.
(E) Cost–effectiveness.—
(i) Determination of cost-effectiveness performance level.—The cost-effectiveness performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount expended during the fiscal year under the State plan, expressed as a ratio.
and
(c) Treatment of Interstate Collections.—In computing incentive payments under this section, support which is collected by a State at the request of another State shall be treated as having been collected in full by both States, and any amounts expended by a State in carrying out a special project assisted under section 455(e) shall be excluded.
While this sort of makes sense from a fiscal perspective, the results of the procedures that are put into place have a far-reaching effect on non-custodial parents and even businesses. For instance, numerous states are now switching to mandatory employment withholding instead of only enforcing this with NCP’s that are behind on child support. In one state where we have clients, this has created a nightmare with small businesses. Each month the state creates a monthly CS bill that is due, even though the actual CS is taken out partially from each paycheck. This creates an artificial “arrearage” on paper even though the NCP isn’t actually behind on child support payments. The employer has to do additional paperwork to process the arrearage. At the end of the month, when the payor is caught up, the business receives another automatic modification notice removing the extra payment for the arrearage. At the beginning of the next month, the client’s child support account is charged for the forthcoming month’s child support. This means they are “behind” and the cycle starts all over again for HR managers across the state.
The second portion of this code affects of lot NCP’s who have moved for work or even to follow the custodial parent after they moved-away with the children. Courts will not relinquish custody cases to new states or counties without a huge fight, because then they will not be able to collect all of those child support related monetary incentives. Of course, the new state wants that money, so they decided to just count it for both states which gives your new state incentive to jail NCP’s and enforce other harshly punitive measures against the child support payor for failure to pay child support.
Is it any wonder why shared parenting is not the norm in the U.S. despite the fact that everyone knows children having both parents in their lives is the best situation possible when it’s logistically feasible and there are no provable issues related to one (or both) parents in terms of their parental fitness? If states pass and enforce shared parenting laws, they stand to lose millions of dollars. Nationwide it is more than a $4-BILLION INDUSTRY! Yes, it’s an industry.
In 2008, the child support incentive fund was $483,000,000 and the fund paid for 66% of state workers compensation. If states lost this money, 66% of the money funding those benefits would vanish. The people who administer those programs would likely start losing jobs without that funding. Does anyone really believe that those individuals would vote in favor of other people’s children, when their own livelihoods depend on the income stream that results from these orders?
States earn money by taking one parent out of their children’s lives. It’s time to gather, organize, and help make the plans necessary to change this madness that not only hurts individual families and children - it hurts society at-large.
Any attorney will tell you that custody and child support are two different issues that should not be considered together. The truth is far different, however.
As we all know, child support is based on income and how much time the children spend with each parent. In most states, support is determine based on the share income model, whereby all income is pooled and then split, with support being paid to the parent who has the most custody time and/or lesser income. The closer each parent has to equal time, the less child support is due. So how does this affect the shared parenting movement and fathers gaining more custody?
First, we have to understand a few realities. Child support is determined by judges that are supposed to follow state guidelines. Judges and all of the support staff that prepare support orders and enact collection procedures are paid by the state. The state is funded by Federal grants that are determined by these 5 things:
(A) The paternity establishment performance level.
B) The support order performance level.
(C) The current payment performance level.
(D) The arrearage payment performance level.
(E) The cost–effectiveness performance level.
Let’s take these one at a time and discuss how they impact share parenting and other custody arrangements.
(A) Paternity establishment.—
(i) Determination of paternity establishment performance level.—
The paternity establishment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is, at the option of the State, the IV-D paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(A) or the statewide paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(B).
Now, remember that custody and child support are handled separately in court. So, this section of the code is encouraging states to find fathers and determine paternity. Why? So they can collect child support, with nothing in the code to encourage that the newly identified father receive custody or even visitation from a woman who may not have even told them she was pregnant.
Further why is there no code for vigilantly enforcing child support orders against mothers? There are plenty of single fathers not receiving child support, yet you’ll not soon see stories about deadbeat mothers (despite the reality that mothers who are ordered to pay child support default in whole or in part at a percentage much higher than fathers).
(B) Establishment of child support orders.—
(i) Determination of support order performance level.—The support order performance level for a State for a fiscal year is the percentage of the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which there is a support order during the fiscal year.
Did you read that?The more cases in which child support is ordered, the more money the state receives. It’s in the states’ best interests, and the best interests of the workers of the state (the ones that are judging and deciding how much custody you get) to keep one parent out of the picture in order to maximize the number of child support dollars.
(C) Collections on current child support due.—
(i) Determination of current payment performance level.—The current payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount of current support collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount of current support owed during the fiscal year in all cases under the State plan, expressed as a percentage.
So, now that the state has forced a child support order, rather than making sure the children have equal access to both parents, the state has only assured that they are going to benefit by how much child support they actually collect. Is there anyone who doesn’t already know that children with two parents in their lives fair better than those raised by mothers alone?
This is the reason fathers, in the overwhelming majority of cases, go to jail for failure to pay child support. Meanwhile, nothing happens to mothers who withhold or deny visitation because the court has no financial incentive to hold mothers to custody agreements/orders.
(D) Collections on child support arrearages.—
(i) Determination of arrearage payment performance level.—The arrearage payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which payments of past–due child support were received during the fiscal year and part or all of the payments were distributed to the family to whom the past–due child support was owed (or, if all past–due child support owed to the family was, at the time of receipt, subject to an assignment to the State, part or all of the payments were retained by the State) divided by the total number of cases under the State plan in which there is past–due child support, expressed as a percentage.
As we’ve seen in many recent child support cases, arrearages are being assessed by recalculating back support orders, or even awarding attorneys fees, even when involved in contempt issues which are completely separate from support orders. The arrearages then count towards additional financial incentives the states receive. It’s in their best interests to stick non-custodial parents with as many fees as possible, rolling them into “child support orders,” in order to have the largest arrearages possible.
(E) Cost–effectiveness.—
(i) Determination of cost-effectiveness performance level.—The cost-effectiveness performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount expended during the fiscal year under the State plan, expressed as a ratio.
and
(c) Treatment of Interstate Collections.—In computing incentive payments under this section, support which is collected by a State at the request of another State shall be treated as having been collected in full by both States, and any amounts expended by a State in carrying out a special project assisted under section 455(e) shall be excluded.
While this sort of makes sense from a fiscal perspective, the results of the procedures that are put into place have a far-reaching effect on non-custodial parents and even businesses. For instance, numerous states are now switching to mandatory employment withholding instead of only enforcing this with NCP’s that are behind on child support. In one state where we have clients, this has created a nightmare with small businesses. Each month the state creates a monthly CS bill that is due, even though the actual CS is taken out partially from each paycheck. This creates an artificial “arrearage” on paper even though the NCP isn’t actually behind on child support payments. The employer has to do additional paperwork to process the arrearage. At the end of the month, when the payor is caught up, the business receives another automatic modification notice removing the extra payment for the arrearage. At the beginning of the next month, the client’s child support account is charged for the forthcoming month’s child support. This means they are “behind” and the cycle starts all over again for HR managers across the state.
The second portion of this code affects of lot NCP’s who have moved for work or even to follow the custodial parent after they moved-away with the children. Courts will not relinquish custody cases to new states or counties without a huge fight, because then they will not be able to collect all of those child support related monetary incentives. Of course, the new state wants that money, so they decided to just count it for both states which gives your new state incentive to jail NCP’s and enforce other harshly punitive measures against the child support payor for failure to pay child support.
Is it any wonder why shared parenting is not the norm in the U.S. despite the fact that everyone knows children having both parents in their lives is the best situation possible when it’s logistically feasible and there are no provable issues related to one (or both) parents in terms of their parental fitness? If states pass and enforce shared parenting laws, they stand to lose millions of dollars. Nationwide it is more than a $4-BILLION INDUSTRY! Yes, it’s an industry.
In 2008, the child support incentive fund was $483,000,000 and the fund paid for 66% of state workers compensation. If states lost this money, 66% of the money funding those benefits would vanish. The people who administer those programs would likely start losing jobs without that funding. Does anyone really believe that those individuals would vote in favor of other people’s children, when their own livelihoods depend on the income stream that results from these orders?
States earn money by taking one parent out of their children’s lives. It’s time to gather, organize, and help make the plans necessary to change this madness that not only hurts individual families and children - it hurts society at-large.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Stress
We should not confuse/compare our situation with others (not to ask "Why only me" and get depressed).
Every one of us is unique.
Mother Divine / Nature responds differently with unique love to each one of us. Each one of us hails from different background, have different expectations, input of different levels of self-effort and thus different results.
The shortfalls are for us to improve (let it be in profession, career, family, wealth, status). We need to acknowledge and just proceed to next action (can improve the situation or should we just leave if it is beyond our efforts and if we have done our level best)
Live life full ….We are borne out of joy and happiness …... We are borne to be happy... it is only our own concepts and own views / inference on the events that make us unhappy..... ………..Nothing can take away the happiness from us..!!!
Have a great week my friends
Every one of us is unique.
Mother Divine / Nature responds differently with unique love to each one of us. Each one of us hails from different background, have different expectations, input of different levels of self-effort and thus different results.
The shortfalls are for us to improve (let it be in profession, career, family, wealth, status). We need to acknowledge and just proceed to next action (can improve the situation or should we just leave if it is beyond our efforts and if we have done our level best)
Live life full ….We are borne out of joy and happiness …... We are borne to be happy... it is only our own concepts and own views / inference on the events that make us unhappy..... ………..Nothing can take away the happiness from us..!!!
Have a great week my friends
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Crazy ex Wives
Recently I have been asked many questions about Bi-polar Disorder and other signs of mental illness.
Because of an ex-wife, I have had the need to do extensive research in this area and below are some answers to the common questions.
I have included them on this blog for the benefit of my many followers.
I pray for you and hope this information is a starting point for you.
Most of you will need to go back and view the 7 posts on the April Blog dealing with parental alienation.
BPD is characterized by a pervasive pattern of unstable relationships, self-image, emotions and impulse control. Individuals with BPD may present with a combination of difficulties that often include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic symptoms, substance abuse and/or eating disorders. These conditions can manifest themselves through recurring fears of abandonment, angry outbursts, identity disturbances, self-damaging behavior or suicidality, intolerance of being alone and/or chronic feelings of emptiness
Raising questions, finding answers
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.4 Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.
Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.
Treatment
Treatments for BPD have improved in recent years. Group and individual psychotherapy are at least partially effective for many patients. Within the past 15 years, a new psychosocial treatment termed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was developed specifically to treat BPD, and this technique has looked promising in treatment studies.6 Pharmacological treatments are often prescribed based on specific target symptoms shown by the individual patient. Antidepressant drugs and mood stabilizers may be helpful for depressed and/or labile mood. Antipsychotic drugs may also be used when there are distortions in thinking.7
Recent Research Findings
Although the cause of BPD is unknown, both environmental and genetic factors are thought to play a role in predisposing patients to BPD symptoms and traits. Studies show that many, but not all individuals with BPD report a history of abuse, neglect, or separation as young children.8 Forty to 71 percent of BPD patients report having been sexually abused, usually by a non-caregiver.9 Researchers believe that BPD results from a combination of individual vulnerability to environmental stress, neglect or abuse as young children, and a series of events that trigger the onset of the disorder as young adults. Adults with BPD are also considerably more likely to be the victim of violence, including rape and other crimes. This may result from both harmful environments as well as impulsivity and poor judgement in choosing partners and lifestyles.
NIMH-funded neuroscience research is revealing brain mechanisms underlying the impulsivity, mood instability, aggression, anger, and negative emotion seen in BPD. Studies suggest that people predisposed to impulsive aggression have impaired regulation of the neural circuits that modulate emotion.10 The amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure deep inside the brain, is an important component of the circuit that regulates negative emotion. In response to signals from other brain centers indicating a perceived threat, it marshals fear and arousal. This might be more pronounced under the influence of drugs like alcohol, or stress. Areas in the front of the brain (pre-frontal area) act to dampen the activity of this circuit. Recent brain imaging studies show that individual differences in the ability to activate regions of the prefrontal cerebral cortex thought to be involved in inhibitory activity predict the ability to suppress negative emotion.11
Serotonin, norepinephrine and acetylcholine are among the chemical messengers in these circuits that play a role in the regulation of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and irritability. Drugs that enhance brain serotonin function may improve emotional symptoms in BPD. Likewise, mood-stabilizing drugs that are known to enhance the activity of GABA, the brain's major inhibitory neurotransmitter, may help people who experience BPD-like mood swings. Such brain-based vulnerabilities can be managed with help from behavioral interventions and medications, much like people manage susceptibility to diabetes or high blood pressure.7
References
1Swartz M, Blazer D, George L, Winfield I. Estimating the prevalence of borderline personality disorder in the community. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1990; 4(3): 257-72.
2Soloff PH, Lis JA, Kelly T, Cornelius J, Ulrich R. Self-mutilation and suicidal behavior in borderline personality disorder. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1994; 8(4): 257-67.
3Gardner DL, Cowdry RW. Suicidal and parasuicidal behavior in borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 1985; 8(2): 389-403.
4Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR. Treatment histories of borderline inpatients. Comprehensive Psychiatry, in press.
5Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, DeLuca CJ, Hennen J, Khera GS, Gunderson JG. The pain of being borderline: dysphoric states specific to borderline personality disorder. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 1998; 6(4): 201-7.
6Koerner K, Linehan MM. Research on dialectical behavior therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 2000; 23(1): 151-67.
7Siever LJ, Koenigsberg HW. The frustrating no-mans-land of borderline personality disorder. Cerebrum, The Dana Forum on Brain Science, 2000; 2(4).
8Zanarini MC, Frankenburg. Pathways to the development of borderline personality disorder. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1997; 11(1): 93-104.
9Zanarini MC. Childhood experiences associated with the development of borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 2000; 23(1): 89-101.
10Davidson RJ, Jackson DC, Kalin NH. Emotion, plasticity, context and regulation: perspectives from affective neuroscience. Psychological Bulletin, 2000; 126(6): 873-89.
11Davidson RJ, Putnam KM, Larson CL. Dysfunction in the neural circuitry of emotion regulation - a possible prelude to violence. Science, 2000; 289(5479): 591-4.
Because of an ex-wife, I have had the need to do extensive research in this area and below are some answers to the common questions.
I have included them on this blog for the benefit of my many followers.
I pray for you and hope this information is a starting point for you.
Most of you will need to go back and view the 7 posts on the April Blog dealing with parental alienation.
BPD is characterized by a pervasive pattern of unstable relationships, self-image, emotions and impulse control. Individuals with BPD may present with a combination of difficulties that often include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic symptoms, substance abuse and/or eating disorders. These conditions can manifest themselves through recurring fears of abandonment, angry outbursts, identity disturbances, self-damaging behavior or suicidality, intolerance of being alone and/or chronic feelings of emptiness
Raising questions, finding answers
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.4 Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.
Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.
Treatment
Treatments for BPD have improved in recent years. Group and individual psychotherapy are at least partially effective for many patients. Within the past 15 years, a new psychosocial treatment termed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was developed specifically to treat BPD, and this technique has looked promising in treatment studies.6 Pharmacological treatments are often prescribed based on specific target symptoms shown by the individual patient. Antidepressant drugs and mood stabilizers may be helpful for depressed and/or labile mood. Antipsychotic drugs may also be used when there are distortions in thinking.7
Recent Research Findings
Although the cause of BPD is unknown, both environmental and genetic factors are thought to play a role in predisposing patients to BPD symptoms and traits. Studies show that many, but not all individuals with BPD report a history of abuse, neglect, or separation as young children.8 Forty to 71 percent of BPD patients report having been sexually abused, usually by a non-caregiver.9 Researchers believe that BPD results from a combination of individual vulnerability to environmental stress, neglect or abuse as young children, and a series of events that trigger the onset of the disorder as young adults. Adults with BPD are also considerably more likely to be the victim of violence, including rape and other crimes. This may result from both harmful environments as well as impulsivity and poor judgement in choosing partners and lifestyles.
NIMH-funded neuroscience research is revealing brain mechanisms underlying the impulsivity, mood instability, aggression, anger, and negative emotion seen in BPD. Studies suggest that people predisposed to impulsive aggression have impaired regulation of the neural circuits that modulate emotion.10 The amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure deep inside the brain, is an important component of the circuit that regulates negative emotion. In response to signals from other brain centers indicating a perceived threat, it marshals fear and arousal. This might be more pronounced under the influence of drugs like alcohol, or stress. Areas in the front of the brain (pre-frontal area) act to dampen the activity of this circuit. Recent brain imaging studies show that individual differences in the ability to activate regions of the prefrontal cerebral cortex thought to be involved in inhibitory activity predict the ability to suppress negative emotion.11
Serotonin, norepinephrine and acetylcholine are among the chemical messengers in these circuits that play a role in the regulation of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and irritability. Drugs that enhance brain serotonin function may improve emotional symptoms in BPD. Likewise, mood-stabilizing drugs that are known to enhance the activity of GABA, the brain's major inhibitory neurotransmitter, may help people who experience BPD-like mood swings. Such brain-based vulnerabilities can be managed with help from behavioral interventions and medications, much like people manage susceptibility to diabetes or high blood pressure.7
References
1Swartz M, Blazer D, George L, Winfield I. Estimating the prevalence of borderline personality disorder in the community. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1990; 4(3): 257-72.
2Soloff PH, Lis JA, Kelly T, Cornelius J, Ulrich R. Self-mutilation and suicidal behavior in borderline personality disorder. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1994; 8(4): 257-67.
3Gardner DL, Cowdry RW. Suicidal and parasuicidal behavior in borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 1985; 8(2): 389-403.
4Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR. Treatment histories of borderline inpatients. Comprehensive Psychiatry, in press.
5Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, DeLuca CJ, Hennen J, Khera GS, Gunderson JG. The pain of being borderline: dysphoric states specific to borderline personality disorder. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 1998; 6(4): 201-7.
6Koerner K, Linehan MM. Research on dialectical behavior therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 2000; 23(1): 151-67.
7Siever LJ, Koenigsberg HW. The frustrating no-mans-land of borderline personality disorder. Cerebrum, The Dana Forum on Brain Science, 2000; 2(4).
8Zanarini MC, Frankenburg. Pathways to the development of borderline personality disorder. Journal of Personality Disorders, 1997; 11(1): 93-104.
9Zanarini MC. Childhood experiences associated with the development of borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 2000; 23(1): 89-101.
10Davidson RJ, Jackson DC, Kalin NH. Emotion, plasticity, context and regulation: perspectives from affective neuroscience. Psychological Bulletin, 2000; 126(6): 873-89.
11Davidson RJ, Putnam KM, Larson CL. Dysfunction in the neural circuitry of emotion regulation - a possible prelude to violence. Science, 2000; 289(5479): 591-4.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
How to Make Friends With a Step-Son in 5 Steps
How to Make Friends With a Step-Son in 5 Steps
Whether your step-son is 3 or 16, you have challenges to overcome when starting a relationship with him. You can save everyone a lot of grief by being friends with him from the first meeting. As an adult, your example and the leadership of your husband can make the difference between a step-son who rebels and causes problems for everyone in the family, or one who learns respect, responsibility and fairness.
Being a mother is the single most demanding and difficult job you will ever have, but being a step mother is even more difficult and can be really challenging for you emotionally and can even affect your marriage if you and your husband are not on the same page with regards to child rearing and discipline.
Step 1 Use positive reinforcement with your step-son.
Step 2 Give him space when you think he needs it.
Step 3 Support his interests.
Step 4 Find ways to spend quality time together.
Step 5 Make sure he spends time alone with your spouse. Suggest activities they can do together.
Tips & Warnings
Never speak unkindly of his bio mom no matter how difficult she makes your life.
Make friends by recognizing his achievements.
Avoid nagging.
Insist your husband parent and discipline his own children.
You may suffer a backlash if your stepson has an insecure bio mom with mental health issues. There should be no ransom held on love, but unfortunately if you find yourself in a situation with a mentally unstable bio mom you may consider obtaining professional help from a child psychologist.
Whether your step-son is 3 or 16, you have challenges to overcome when starting a relationship with him. You can save everyone a lot of grief by being friends with him from the first meeting. As an adult, your example and the leadership of your husband can make the difference between a step-son who rebels and causes problems for everyone in the family, or one who learns respect, responsibility and fairness.
Being a mother is the single most demanding and difficult job you will ever have, but being a step mother is even more difficult and can be really challenging for you emotionally and can even affect your marriage if you and your husband are not on the same page with regards to child rearing and discipline.
Step 1 Use positive reinforcement with your step-son.
Step 2 Give him space when you think he needs it.
Step 3 Support his interests.
Step 4 Find ways to spend quality time together.
Step 5 Make sure he spends time alone with your spouse. Suggest activities they can do together.
Tips & Warnings
Never speak unkindly of his bio mom no matter how difficult she makes your life.
Make friends by recognizing his achievements.
Avoid nagging.
Insist your husband parent and discipline his own children.
You may suffer a backlash if your stepson has an insecure bio mom with mental health issues. There should be no ransom held on love, but unfortunately if you find yourself in a situation with a mentally unstable bio mom you may consider obtaining professional help from a child psychologist.
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