The Candy Man Can

This guy is just to funny! You will enjoy this, guaranteed!!!!

Only Obama would act like Hitler and indoctrinate children in the class room and do so with his own kids book.


And you pay him do it!


Sick!!!

BEST BAR JOKE EVER

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

One Mad American Woman Understands

Let me get this straight . . . . We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, Which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman  says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that didn't read it but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a President who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, for which we'll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke!!!!! 'What the hell could possibly go wrong?'

Smile, and the whole world smiles with you

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a police officer came in for a haircut and, when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The officer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a "thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

A Congressman came in for a haircut and, when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.

A father watched his young son playing in the yard, and he smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little boy was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about him seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly he just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to him to see what work of God had captured his attention.

He noticed he was looking at two spiders.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" he asked.

"They're mating," his father replied.

"What do you call this spider?" he asked, pointing.

"It's a Daddy Longlegs," his father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little boy asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No son. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

"The little boy, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted his foot and stomped them flat.

"Well," he said, "that may be OK in California, but we're not going to stand for that sort of behavior in the high desert country of Central Oregon!"

...

Obama fan

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Johnny in the front row.

The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'

Because I'm aRepublican.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.

Johnny proudly answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.'

I know you have seen this but with all that is happening in these days, we need to have a little fun today.

This really is the best use of Mr. Obama

Lawyer, Duck and the old Rancher

OK, I have to start today’s blog with a joke. If you see this on face book you will need to Click on the subject line and then below click “View Original Post”. The text is just too long for the face book note. That will quickly take you to my blog. Hope you enjoy it!

A lawyer went duck hunting in Western MT. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Ranchers field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly cowboy asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it." The old cowboy replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything! The old rancher smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in Montana. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?" The Rancher replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The cocky attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old cowboy. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old rancher slowly climbed off his horse and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The bloodied attorney was flat on his belly when the old cowboys third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck cowboy, now it's my turn." The old Montana rancher smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Joke of the day

I couldn’t help myself. After addressing mental issues and children’s concerns on this Blog, a joke is what’s needed today. Hope you enjoy the thought.

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass." Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his bar stool, then stomps out. He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!" Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again. He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"
"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."