Colombo and Obama

Where is Colombo when he is needed? Think about the 13 questions below that should be addressed by Obama.

Ah, sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir. . . Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I know you're busy, and important and stuff. I mean, running the county is very important and -- ah -- I hate to bother you, Sir. I will only take a minute. Ok, Sir?
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering, Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says, boy, she wishes she had digs like this, you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow! I saw something like that in a museum once.
Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn't think so...
Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released" or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are -- I -- I have them written down here somewhere -- oh wait.

Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you. Could you please help me find these things, Sir?
1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Passport used to travel to Pakistan with, when it was illegal for a U.S. Citizen to do so – Not released
6. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
7. Medical records -- Not released
8. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available
9. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available
10. Law practice client list -- Not released
11. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
12. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
13. Record of your baptism -- Not available

Oh - and one more thing Mr. President, I can't seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir? Oh, but hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the day after. . .
What's that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things? We the People of the United States of America !
You know, the ones that vote.