When children go away to college and get away from "who and what" the controlling family members want them to be, a window opens up. What they discover is their essence. Now here's the gem...
That essence is a composite of their formative years. If you were in their lives during this time, good chance you can slip back in and they can be in yours.
3 Keys to Healing Parental Alienation
There are some key things you will want to do and things you'll be best avoiding in order to rekindle your relationship with your children if you are an estranged parent.
1) Focus on what you have, and what you had, with them; not what you don't have or what you missed. To help you maintain this focus, find points of shared sweet sentiment and build out from here.
2) Trust that they don't need to understand all the elements surrounding your absence to feel their love for you and yours for them. It is already there. Always know these so-called "elements" of your story must be digested as they can be assimilated...and not a moment before.
3) Don't expect them to give you back what you lost. They can't. They don't hold what you lost, as they lost it too.
Forgive yourself and forgive your children.
It will be OK
Live your life, be happy, have fun, remember the good times and look forward to more...in the years to come.
May God Bless You
Showing posts with label x-husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label x-husband. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Obama promotes fatherless house holds to school kids!
To get the Mad Americans view on today’s issues, you must visit the blog at; http://www.everythingwestern.net/
Here is what President Barack Obama recently told 9th grade students during a discussion at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Va.
STUDENT: Hi, my name is Brandon. I was wondering, you said that your father wasn't really in your life. That's kind of like me, my parents were divorced. But how do you think your life would have been different if he would have been there for you? Like, if -- how would your education have been and would you still be President?
THE PRESIDENT: It's an interesting question. You know, you never know exactly how your life would turn out if there was a change in circumstances as big as your dad being around. I think that -- I actually wrote a book about this, called "Dreams For My Father," where I tried to figure out what was he like, who was he. He was a very, very smart man, (but he was sort of arrogant and kind of overbearing, and he had his own problems and his own issues).
This is so very typical of parental alienation! Obama’s daddy left when he was only 2 years old and yet as any politician would answer, he says he was a very, very smart man. Why is this? Why does he think this? Was he smart because he left his wife and young son? Political, a per political comment by Obama without any support for his view...typical of him!
So (my mother always used to say) that if he had been around, I probably would have been having a lot of arguments with him all the time.
Again, his mother tell her young son that if his father would have been around, they would have argued all the time. That is parental alienation! Shame on his mother for saying this and shame on our President for believing what was feed to him. You would think that maybe Obama would have tried to find out 1st hand about his father. The pursuit of truth is not high on our Presidents agenda, never was and sure is not now!
I think that I was lucky, though, that my mother always -- she never spoke badly about him, which I think since I was a boy, knowing that even if your dad wasn't around, that you still were hearing good things about him I think probably improved my own self-confidence.
Did you hear his words? Does the double talk escape everyone? Within seconds he says his mother told him that he would argue all the time with his father if he had been around. She instilled in him that his father was over bearing, had problems and issues of his own. Yet true to form, he defends his mother by saying that “she never spoke badly about him”. Is our President a fool or an incent victim of his mothers parental alienation agenda?
When I look back on my life, I think that -- Michelle's dad was around, and Arne I think knew him. Just a great guy. Wonderful, wonderful man. And he actually had multiple sclerosis, so he had to walk with canes, but went to every basketball game that my brother-in-law played in, was there for every dance recital Michelle was in, was just a great family man. And when I look at her dad, I say to myself, boy, that would be nice to have somebody like that that you could count on who was always there for you.
So unlike his own father... but still, he longed for that type of relationship.
On the other hand, I think that not having a dad in some ways forced me to grow up faster. It meant that I made more mistakes because I didn't have somebody to tell me, here's how you do this or here's how you do that. But on the other hand, I had to, I think, raise myself a little bit more. I had to be more supportive of my mother because I knew how hard she was working. And so, in some ways, maybe it made me stronger over time, just like it may be making you stronger over time.
Great, now Obama is supporting single parenthood. He is telling a whole class room of children that not having a father made him stronger. He is condoning and even suggesting that young men being raised by a single mother makes them stronger. This is the total opposite view of the facts! Even within our own Government all the studies show that kids and especially young men do much better in life with a father in their lives. Indeed, without a father role model that enforces rules of conduct within the house and uses discipline and strict consequences for bad behavior, children will soon be parenting themselves and that is a recipe for disaster. Obama needs to read his Bible. The Bible explains without a doubt the role and benefits of a father and abiding by his rules. The Bible also has a very interesting story about a mother and parental alienation see Genesis chapter 27. Perhaps the church Obama attended for 20 years never touched on that (father) topic?
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is in better now?
Here is what President Barack Obama recently told 9th grade students during a discussion at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Va.
STUDENT: Hi, my name is Brandon. I was wondering, you said that your father wasn't really in your life. That's kind of like me, my parents were divorced. But how do you think your life would have been different if he would have been there for you? Like, if -- how would your education have been and would you still be President?
THE PRESIDENT: It's an interesting question. You know, you never know exactly how your life would turn out if there was a change in circumstances as big as your dad being around. I think that -- I actually wrote a book about this, called "Dreams For My Father," where I tried to figure out what was he like, who was he. He was a very, very smart man, (but he was sort of arrogant and kind of overbearing, and he had his own problems and his own issues).
This is so very typical of parental alienation! Obama’s daddy left when he was only 2 years old and yet as any politician would answer, he says he was a very, very smart man. Why is this? Why does he think this? Was he smart because he left his wife and young son? Political, a per political comment by Obama without any support for his view...typical of him!
So (my mother always used to say) that if he had been around, I probably would have been having a lot of arguments with him all the time.
Again, his mother tell her young son that if his father would have been around, they would have argued all the time. That is parental alienation! Shame on his mother for saying this and shame on our President for believing what was feed to him. You would think that maybe Obama would have tried to find out 1st hand about his father. The pursuit of truth is not high on our Presidents agenda, never was and sure is not now!
I think that I was lucky, though, that my mother always -- she never spoke badly about him, which I think since I was a boy, knowing that even if your dad wasn't around, that you still were hearing good things about him I think probably improved my own self-confidence.
Did you hear his words? Does the double talk escape everyone? Within seconds he says his mother told him that he would argue all the time with his father if he had been around. She instilled in him that his father was over bearing, had problems and issues of his own. Yet true to form, he defends his mother by saying that “she never spoke badly about him”. Is our President a fool or an incent victim of his mothers parental alienation agenda?
When I look back on my life, I think that -- Michelle's dad was around, and Arne I think knew him. Just a great guy. Wonderful, wonderful man. And he actually had multiple sclerosis, so he had to walk with canes, but went to every basketball game that my brother-in-law played in, was there for every dance recital Michelle was in, was just a great family man. And when I look at her dad, I say to myself, boy, that would be nice to have somebody like that that you could count on who was always there for you.
So unlike his own father... but still, he longed for that type of relationship.
On the other hand, I think that not having a dad in some ways forced me to grow up faster. It meant that I made more mistakes because I didn't have somebody to tell me, here's how you do this or here's how you do that. But on the other hand, I had to, I think, raise myself a little bit more. I had to be more supportive of my mother because I knew how hard she was working. And so, in some ways, maybe it made me stronger over time, just like it may be making you stronger over time.
Great, now Obama is supporting single parenthood. He is telling a whole class room of children that not having a father made him stronger. He is condoning and even suggesting that young men being raised by a single mother makes them stronger. This is the total opposite view of the facts! Even within our own Government all the studies show that kids and especially young men do much better in life with a father in their lives. Indeed, without a father role model that enforces rules of conduct within the house and uses discipline and strict consequences for bad behavior, children will soon be parenting themselves and that is a recipe for disaster. Obama needs to read his Bible. The Bible explains without a doubt the role and benefits of a father and abiding by his rules. The Bible also has a very interesting story about a mother and parental alienation see Genesis chapter 27. Perhaps the church Obama attended for 20 years never touched on that (father) topic?
There are many issues confronting our nation, but none more important than our base/God fearing religion and how we raise our children.
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is it better now?
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is in better now?
Young and have kids? How do you want them to grow up?
Please look at old blogs (April) on this website about parental alienation. This is a huge problem in this nation (divorce rate of 50% and 62% for second marriage) and if left unchecked, unchallenged…will be the down fall of this nation.
I invite you to sign in, comment and follow this blog and view the forum on this website where you can express your views.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Marriage the Next Time Around
Make Your Second Marriage a Success!
It’s a proven fact that second marriages suffer a divorce rate higher than first marriages because of a simple, yet serious mistakes that people make when they re-marry.
Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”
If we are to learn anything from our first failed marriage it should be the fact that you need to re-marry with intense CAUTION. Here are several suggestions that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:
1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying this time.....
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are equal with your spouse’s. And I’m not just talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining step-children, love & affection, sex etc.
Being unable to agree about beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
Do not make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce
Write down every thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. List even the little things because after a few years they become BIG THINGS!
Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be jealouse?
Did you and your ex have money problems in your marriage... Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce.
Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry that you didn't later.
3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.
Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Do not make the mistake of thinking this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
Few people are thinking straight if they remarry too quickly.
Though you may not want to hear this right now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.
4. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough...Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.
To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or the other person that “caused” your last divorce, you were 1/2 of that failed marriage, accept your involvement in your failed marriage.
It is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce.
Two opposite “values” or "belief's" can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:
Internet porn-adultery
Infidelity
Over-sensitivity
Lack of intimacy
Excessive fighting
Confusing and unclear communication
Not enough quality time due to busy schedules
Unsolvable children issues
Inability to find the real source of conflicts
It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.
There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...not with your future spouse or your last spouse. If you are truly emotionally and legally divorced you will have no need to explain your failed marriage to your ex.
5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations of Each Other.
It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations and needs are shockingly different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.
If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.
6. Wait to re-marry until you are over your divorce!
If you are in a constant battle with your ex over the kids or money, you are not in a possition to drag a third person into the mix. Do your self and everyone involved, wait until the kids are settled or grown and your ex is settled. Re-marrying will only ad increased stress to an already stressfull and tense situation. Many ex's will try anything to maintain any sort of a "Marrital relationship" with their former spouse that they can, make sure you know if you are in that relationship.
If you find yourself having to constantly defend your previous marriage to and with your ex spouse, you certainly are not ready for a third person to be thrown into the mix.
Be very aware of your future marriage partners relationship with his / her ex, they may still be too connected and not emotionally available to begin a new relationship with you if they are constantly dealing with the last failed marriage.
Good luck!
With some thought, you can have a successfull second marriage and beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate that is now over 60% !
It’s a proven fact that second marriages suffer a divorce rate higher than first marriages because of a simple, yet serious mistakes that people make when they re-marry.
Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”
If we are to learn anything from our first failed marriage it should be the fact that you need to re-marry with intense CAUTION. Here are several suggestions that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:
1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying this time.....
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are equal with your spouse’s. And I’m not just talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining step-children, love & affection, sex etc.
Being unable to agree about beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
Do not make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce
Write down every thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. List even the little things because after a few years they become BIG THINGS!
Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be jealouse?
Did you and your ex have money problems in your marriage... Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce.
Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry that you didn't later.
3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.
Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Do not make the mistake of thinking this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
Few people are thinking straight if they remarry too quickly.
Though you may not want to hear this right now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.
4. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough...Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.
To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or the other person that “caused” your last divorce, you were 1/2 of that failed marriage, accept your involvement in your failed marriage.
It is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce.
Two opposite “values” or "belief's" can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:
Internet porn-adultery
Infidelity
Over-sensitivity
Lack of intimacy
Excessive fighting
Confusing and unclear communication
Not enough quality time due to busy schedules
Unsolvable children issues
Inability to find the real source of conflicts
It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.
There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...not with your future spouse or your last spouse. If you are truly emotionally and legally divorced you will have no need to explain your failed marriage to your ex.
5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations of Each Other.
It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations and needs are shockingly different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.
If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.
6. Wait to re-marry until you are over your divorce!
If you are in a constant battle with your ex over the kids or money, you are not in a possition to drag a third person into the mix. Do your self and everyone involved, wait until the kids are settled or grown and your ex is settled. Re-marrying will only ad increased stress to an already stressfull and tense situation. Many ex's will try anything to maintain any sort of a "Marrital relationship" with their former spouse that they can, make sure you know if you are in that relationship.
If you find yourself having to constantly defend your previous marriage to and with your ex spouse, you certainly are not ready for a third person to be thrown into the mix.
Be very aware of your future marriage partners relationship with his / her ex, they may still be too connected and not emotionally available to begin a new relationship with you if they are constantly dealing with the last failed marriage.
Good luck!
With some thought, you can have a successfull second marriage and beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate that is now over 60% !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)