When children go away to college and get away from "who and what" the controlling family members want them to be, a window opens up. What they discover is their essence. Now here's the gem...
That essence is a composite of their formative years. If you were in their lives during this time, good chance you can slip back in and they can be in yours.
3 Keys to Healing Parental Alienation
There are some key things you will want to do and things you'll be best avoiding in order to rekindle your relationship with your children if you are an estranged parent.
1) Focus on what you have, and what you had, with them; not what you don't have or what you missed. To help you maintain this focus, find points of shared sweet sentiment and build out from here.
2) Trust that they don't need to understand all the elements surrounding your absence to feel their love for you and yours for them. It is already there. Always know these so-called "elements" of your story must be digested as they can be assimilated...and not a moment before.
3) Don't expect them to give you back what you lost. They can't. They don't hold what you lost, as they lost it too.
Forgive yourself and forgive your children.
It will be OK
Live your life, be happy, have fun, remember the good times and look forward to more...in the years to come.
May God Bless You
Showing posts with label x-wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label x-wife. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Dirty Tricks Used In Child Custody Battles
Parental alienation is a very real and severe problem in America. I have posted much information on this subject in the April Blogs and many discussion topics are available on the forum at www.everythingwestern.net
Many family’s are involved with alienation of a child or children against another parent, sometimes without considering the impact of their words and other times with a vile and evil intent at destroying a relation with the other parent.
The following list probably provides those, in the know, with very little new information. However, if you’re not experienced or knowledgeable about what goes on in high-conflict divorces and child custody cases, you may want to familiarize yourself with what is potentially to come. Take a look:
Clean out the bank account or safety deposit box.
Run-up the account balances on credit cards.
Steal or sell the furniture and keep the cash.
Engage in varying degrees of parental alienation and/or otherwise speaking poorly of you to the children or in front of the children to others.
Share with the children intimate details of the divorce and/or custody proceedings.
Leave with the kids unannounced, with no forwarding address or way to get in contact with the children.
Use financial issues to gain leverage with custody or child-related matters.
File a petition and/or restraining order to get you kicked out of your own home and restricted from even coming onto the property at any time.
Spread nasty rumors and speak poorly about you in front of mutual friends to try to divide loyalties.
Move out of state and take your child, claiming that it is in the “best interest of the child.”
Withhold or interfere with your visitation rights (custodial interference).
File motions and use delay tactics to tie you up in court and drain your finances. (Win the case through financial attrition.)
Falsely claim physical or sexual abuse against them.
Falsely claim physical or sexual abuse towards your children.
Get a restraining order against you based on false allegations.
Force you to move out of the house through harassment and coercion, and then petition the court claiming you have “abandoned the family.”
Claim that child support was not received on time or at all.
Involve family members, friends, or others in malicious actions against you.
Deny, restrict, or interfere with telephone access to the children.
Interfere with your participating in your child’s school and other recreational activities.
Use your mutual or, unsuspecting “friends” to get inside information to use against you in court or even turn them into unwitting spies. Worse - engaging the children to be spies for them.
Withhold important information about your child’s health or well-being. They may even tell stories to professionals that would give them “reason” to preclude sharing the same.
The list above is not all-inclusive, but are some of the most common. These tactics are used with alarming frequency and effectiveness to frustrate, outmaneuver, obtain a legal upper-hand, and wear the target parent down and out.
These tactics can be learned through friends, books that are written specifically for this purpose (by those who were more than likely successful employing such tactics, and unsurprisingly, by attorneys.
Sadly, it is becoming more commonplace for some unscrupulous attorneys to recommend one or more of these tactics to their clients because it gives them a decided advantage and almost guaranteed victory in court.
For instance, if your ex-partner can convince the courts that you have physically abused her and/or your child, she gains a tremendous advantage over you in all further proceedings. The father will be known as a “violent offender,” a person for whom judges have limitless disdain, and they will not hesitate to grant false accuser whatever they want.
Unfortunately, even when you’re successful in turning away these charges and win, perception is still reality in some circles. It becomes reality to some and it’s a stain on you that is hard to get out. It is imperative that you are the one to remain the calm, rational person with your ex-partner. The less you do to provoke the high-conflict ex-partner, the better off you will be in the long run. You never want to be responsible for a situation getting out of control as they will be the foundation for much heartache in family court
Many family’s are involved with alienation of a child or children against another parent, sometimes without considering the impact of their words and other times with a vile and evil intent at destroying a relation with the other parent.
The following list probably provides those, in the know, with very little new information. However, if you’re not experienced or knowledgeable about what goes on in high-conflict divorces and child custody cases, you may want to familiarize yourself with what is potentially to come. Take a look:
Clean out the bank account or safety deposit box.
Run-up the account balances on credit cards.
Steal or sell the furniture and keep the cash.
Engage in varying degrees of parental alienation and/or otherwise speaking poorly of you to the children or in front of the children to others.
Share with the children intimate details of the divorce and/or custody proceedings.
Leave with the kids unannounced, with no forwarding address or way to get in contact with the children.
Use financial issues to gain leverage with custody or child-related matters.
File a petition and/or restraining order to get you kicked out of your own home and restricted from even coming onto the property at any time.
Spread nasty rumors and speak poorly about you in front of mutual friends to try to divide loyalties.
Move out of state and take your child, claiming that it is in the “best interest of the child.”
Withhold or interfere with your visitation rights (custodial interference).
File motions and use delay tactics to tie you up in court and drain your finances. (Win the case through financial attrition.)
Falsely claim physical or sexual abuse against them.
Falsely claim physical or sexual abuse towards your children.
Get a restraining order against you based on false allegations.
Force you to move out of the house through harassment and coercion, and then petition the court claiming you have “abandoned the family.”
Claim that child support was not received on time or at all.
Involve family members, friends, or others in malicious actions against you.
Deny, restrict, or interfere with telephone access to the children.
Interfere with your participating in your child’s school and other recreational activities.
Use your mutual or, unsuspecting “friends” to get inside information to use against you in court or even turn them into unwitting spies. Worse - engaging the children to be spies for them.
Withhold important information about your child’s health or well-being. They may even tell stories to professionals that would give them “reason” to preclude sharing the same.
The list above is not all-inclusive, but are some of the most common. These tactics are used with alarming frequency and effectiveness to frustrate, outmaneuver, obtain a legal upper-hand, and wear the target parent down and out.
These tactics can be learned through friends, books that are written specifically for this purpose (by those who were more than likely successful employing such tactics, and unsurprisingly, by attorneys.
Sadly, it is becoming more commonplace for some unscrupulous attorneys to recommend one or more of these tactics to their clients because it gives them a decided advantage and almost guaranteed victory in court.
For instance, if your ex-partner can convince the courts that you have physically abused her and/or your child, she gains a tremendous advantage over you in all further proceedings. The father will be known as a “violent offender,” a person for whom judges have limitless disdain, and they will not hesitate to grant false accuser whatever they want.
Unfortunately, even when you’re successful in turning away these charges and win, perception is still reality in some circles. It becomes reality to some and it’s a stain on you that is hard to get out. It is imperative that you are the one to remain the calm, rational person with your ex-partner. The less you do to provoke the high-conflict ex-partner, the better off you will be in the long run. You never want to be responsible for a situation getting out of control as they will be the foundation for much heartache in family court
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Obama promotes fatherless house holds to school kids!
To get the Mad Americans view on today’s issues, you must visit the blog at; http://www.everythingwestern.net/
Here is what President Barack Obama recently told 9th grade students during a discussion at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Va.
STUDENT: Hi, my name is Brandon. I was wondering, you said that your father wasn't really in your life. That's kind of like me, my parents were divorced. But how do you think your life would have been different if he would have been there for you? Like, if -- how would your education have been and would you still be President?
THE PRESIDENT: It's an interesting question. You know, you never know exactly how your life would turn out if there was a change in circumstances as big as your dad being around. I think that -- I actually wrote a book about this, called "Dreams For My Father," where I tried to figure out what was he like, who was he. He was a very, very smart man, (but he was sort of arrogant and kind of overbearing, and he had his own problems and his own issues).
This is so very typical of parental alienation! Obama’s daddy left when he was only 2 years old and yet as any politician would answer, he says he was a very, very smart man. Why is this? Why does he think this? Was he smart because he left his wife and young son? Political, a per political comment by Obama without any support for his view...typical of him!
So (my mother always used to say) that if he had been around, I probably would have been having a lot of arguments with him all the time.
Again, his mother tell her young son that if his father would have been around, they would have argued all the time. That is parental alienation! Shame on his mother for saying this and shame on our President for believing what was feed to him. You would think that maybe Obama would have tried to find out 1st hand about his father. The pursuit of truth is not high on our Presidents agenda, never was and sure is not now!
I think that I was lucky, though, that my mother always -- she never spoke badly about him, which I think since I was a boy, knowing that even if your dad wasn't around, that you still were hearing good things about him I think probably improved my own self-confidence.
Did you hear his words? Does the double talk escape everyone? Within seconds he says his mother told him that he would argue all the time with his father if he had been around. She instilled in him that his father was over bearing, had problems and issues of his own. Yet true to form, he defends his mother by saying that “she never spoke badly about him”. Is our President a fool or an incent victim of his mothers parental alienation agenda?
When I look back on my life, I think that -- Michelle's dad was around, and Arne I think knew him. Just a great guy. Wonderful, wonderful man. And he actually had multiple sclerosis, so he had to walk with canes, but went to every basketball game that my brother-in-law played in, was there for every dance recital Michelle was in, was just a great family man. And when I look at her dad, I say to myself, boy, that would be nice to have somebody like that that you could count on who was always there for you.
So unlike his own father... but still, he longed for that type of relationship.
On the other hand, I think that not having a dad in some ways forced me to grow up faster. It meant that I made more mistakes because I didn't have somebody to tell me, here's how you do this or here's how you do that. But on the other hand, I had to, I think, raise myself a little bit more. I had to be more supportive of my mother because I knew how hard she was working. And so, in some ways, maybe it made me stronger over time, just like it may be making you stronger over time.
Great, now Obama is supporting single parenthood. He is telling a whole class room of children that not having a father made him stronger. He is condoning and even suggesting that young men being raised by a single mother makes them stronger. This is the total opposite view of the facts! Even within our own Government all the studies show that kids and especially young men do much better in life with a father in their lives. Indeed, without a father role model that enforces rules of conduct within the house and uses discipline and strict consequences for bad behavior, children will soon be parenting themselves and that is a recipe for disaster. Obama needs to read his Bible. The Bible explains without a doubt the role and benefits of a father and abiding by his rules. The Bible also has a very interesting story about a mother and parental alienation see Genesis chapter 27. Perhaps the church Obama attended for 20 years never touched on that (father) topic?
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is in better now?
Here is what President Barack Obama recently told 9th grade students during a discussion at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Va.
STUDENT: Hi, my name is Brandon. I was wondering, you said that your father wasn't really in your life. That's kind of like me, my parents were divorced. But how do you think your life would have been different if he would have been there for you? Like, if -- how would your education have been and would you still be President?
THE PRESIDENT: It's an interesting question. You know, you never know exactly how your life would turn out if there was a change in circumstances as big as your dad being around. I think that -- I actually wrote a book about this, called "Dreams For My Father," where I tried to figure out what was he like, who was he. He was a very, very smart man, (but he was sort of arrogant and kind of overbearing, and he had his own problems and his own issues).
This is so very typical of parental alienation! Obama’s daddy left when he was only 2 years old and yet as any politician would answer, he says he was a very, very smart man. Why is this? Why does he think this? Was he smart because he left his wife and young son? Political, a per political comment by Obama without any support for his view...typical of him!
So (my mother always used to say) that if he had been around, I probably would have been having a lot of arguments with him all the time.
Again, his mother tell her young son that if his father would have been around, they would have argued all the time. That is parental alienation! Shame on his mother for saying this and shame on our President for believing what was feed to him. You would think that maybe Obama would have tried to find out 1st hand about his father. The pursuit of truth is not high on our Presidents agenda, never was and sure is not now!
I think that I was lucky, though, that my mother always -- she never spoke badly about him, which I think since I was a boy, knowing that even if your dad wasn't around, that you still were hearing good things about him I think probably improved my own self-confidence.
Did you hear his words? Does the double talk escape everyone? Within seconds he says his mother told him that he would argue all the time with his father if he had been around. She instilled in him that his father was over bearing, had problems and issues of his own. Yet true to form, he defends his mother by saying that “she never spoke badly about him”. Is our President a fool or an incent victim of his mothers parental alienation agenda?
When I look back on my life, I think that -- Michelle's dad was around, and Arne I think knew him. Just a great guy. Wonderful, wonderful man. And he actually had multiple sclerosis, so he had to walk with canes, but went to every basketball game that my brother-in-law played in, was there for every dance recital Michelle was in, was just a great family man. And when I look at her dad, I say to myself, boy, that would be nice to have somebody like that that you could count on who was always there for you.
So unlike his own father... but still, he longed for that type of relationship.
On the other hand, I think that not having a dad in some ways forced me to grow up faster. It meant that I made more mistakes because I didn't have somebody to tell me, here's how you do this or here's how you do that. But on the other hand, I had to, I think, raise myself a little bit more. I had to be more supportive of my mother because I knew how hard she was working. And so, in some ways, maybe it made me stronger over time, just like it may be making you stronger over time.
Great, now Obama is supporting single parenthood. He is telling a whole class room of children that not having a father made him stronger. He is condoning and even suggesting that young men being raised by a single mother makes them stronger. This is the total opposite view of the facts! Even within our own Government all the studies show that kids and especially young men do much better in life with a father in their lives. Indeed, without a father role model that enforces rules of conduct within the house and uses discipline and strict consequences for bad behavior, children will soon be parenting themselves and that is a recipe for disaster. Obama needs to read his Bible. The Bible explains without a doubt the role and benefits of a father and abiding by his rules. The Bible also has a very interesting story about a mother and parental alienation see Genesis chapter 27. Perhaps the church Obama attended for 20 years never touched on that (father) topic?
There are many issues confronting our nation, but none more important than our base/God fearing religion and how we raise our children.
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is it better now?
Ask yourself, how were you raised, how much has that changed in 25-40 years and is in better now?
Young and have kids? How do you want them to grow up?
Please look at old blogs (April) on this website about parental alienation. This is a huge problem in this nation (divorce rate of 50% and 62% for second marriage) and if left unchecked, unchallenged…will be the down fall of this nation.
I invite you to sign in, comment and follow this blog and view the forum on this website where you can express your views.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Court destroys families for profit
Stay informed on many issues at the Mad America Blog on http://www.everythingwestern.net/
Any attorney will tell you that custody and child support are two different issues that should not be considered together. The truth is far different, however.
As we all know, child support is based on income and how much time the children spend with each parent. In most states, support is determine based on the share income model, whereby all income is pooled and then split, with support being paid to the parent who has the most custody time and/or lesser income. The closer each parent has to equal time, the less child support is due. So how does this affect the shared parenting movement and fathers gaining more custody?
First, we have to understand a few realities. Child support is determined by judges that are supposed to follow state guidelines. Judges and all of the support staff that prepare support orders and enact collection procedures are paid by the state. The state is funded by Federal grants that are determined by these 5 things:
(A) The paternity establishment performance level.
B) The support order performance level.
(C) The current payment performance level.
(D) The arrearage payment performance level.
(E) The cost–effectiveness performance level.
Let’s take these one at a time and discuss how they impact share parenting and other custody arrangements.
(A) Paternity establishment.—
(i) Determination of paternity establishment performance level.—
The paternity establishment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is, at the option of the State, the IV-D paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(A) or the statewide paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(B).
Now, remember that custody and child support are handled separately in court. So, this section of the code is encouraging states to find fathers and determine paternity. Why? So they can collect child support, with nothing in the code to encourage that the newly identified father receive custody or even visitation from a woman who may not have even told them she was pregnant.
Further why is there no code for vigilantly enforcing child support orders against mothers? There are plenty of single fathers not receiving child support, yet you’ll not soon see stories about deadbeat mothers (despite the reality that mothers who are ordered to pay child support default in whole or in part at a percentage much higher than fathers).
(B) Establishment of child support orders.—
(i) Determination of support order performance level.—The support order performance level for a State for a fiscal year is the percentage of the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which there is a support order during the fiscal year.
Did you read that?The more cases in which child support is ordered, the more money the state receives. It’s in the states’ best interests, and the best interests of the workers of the state (the ones that are judging and deciding how much custody you get) to keep one parent out of the picture in order to maximize the number of child support dollars.
(C) Collections on current child support due.—
(i) Determination of current payment performance level.—The current payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount of current support collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount of current support owed during the fiscal year in all cases under the State plan, expressed as a percentage.
So, now that the state has forced a child support order, rather than making sure the children have equal access to both parents, the state has only assured that they are going to benefit by how much child support they actually collect. Is there anyone who doesn’t already know that children with two parents in their lives fair better than those raised by mothers alone?
This is the reason fathers, in the overwhelming majority of cases, go to jail for failure to pay child support. Meanwhile, nothing happens to mothers who withhold or deny visitation because the court has no financial incentive to hold mothers to custody agreements/orders.
(D) Collections on child support arrearages.—
(i) Determination of arrearage payment performance level.—The arrearage payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which payments of past–due child support were received during the fiscal year and part or all of the payments were distributed to the family to whom the past–due child support was owed (or, if all past–due child support owed to the family was, at the time of receipt, subject to an assignment to the State, part or all of the payments were retained by the State) divided by the total number of cases under the State plan in which there is past–due child support, expressed as a percentage.
As we’ve seen in many recent child support cases, arrearages are being assessed by recalculating back support orders, or even awarding attorneys fees, even when involved in contempt issues which are completely separate from support orders. The arrearages then count towards additional financial incentives the states receive. It’s in their best interests to stick non-custodial parents with as many fees as possible, rolling them into “child support orders,” in order to have the largest arrearages possible.
(E) Cost–effectiveness.—
(i) Determination of cost-effectiveness performance level.—The cost-effectiveness performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount expended during the fiscal year under the State plan, expressed as a ratio.
and
(c) Treatment of Interstate Collections.—In computing incentive payments under this section, support which is collected by a State at the request of another State shall be treated as having been collected in full by both States, and any amounts expended by a State in carrying out a special project assisted under section 455(e) shall be excluded.
While this sort of makes sense from a fiscal perspective, the results of the procedures that are put into place have a far-reaching effect on non-custodial parents and even businesses. For instance, numerous states are now switching to mandatory employment withholding instead of only enforcing this with NCP’s that are behind on child support. In one state where we have clients, this has created a nightmare with small businesses. Each month the state creates a monthly CS bill that is due, even though the actual CS is taken out partially from each paycheck. This creates an artificial “arrearage” on paper even though the NCP isn’t actually behind on child support payments. The employer has to do additional paperwork to process the arrearage. At the end of the month, when the payor is caught up, the business receives another automatic modification notice removing the extra payment for the arrearage. At the beginning of the next month, the client’s child support account is charged for the forthcoming month’s child support. This means they are “behind” and the cycle starts all over again for HR managers across the state.
The second portion of this code affects of lot NCP’s who have moved for work or even to follow the custodial parent after they moved-away with the children. Courts will not relinquish custody cases to new states or counties without a huge fight, because then they will not be able to collect all of those child support related monetary incentives. Of course, the new state wants that money, so they decided to just count it for both states which gives your new state incentive to jail NCP’s and enforce other harshly punitive measures against the child support payor for failure to pay child support.
Is it any wonder why shared parenting is not the norm in the U.S. despite the fact that everyone knows children having both parents in their lives is the best situation possible when it’s logistically feasible and there are no provable issues related to one (or both) parents in terms of their parental fitness? If states pass and enforce shared parenting laws, they stand to lose millions of dollars. Nationwide it is more than a $4-BILLION INDUSTRY! Yes, it’s an industry.
In 2008, the child support incentive fund was $483,000,000 and the fund paid for 66% of state workers compensation. If states lost this money, 66% of the money funding those benefits would vanish. The people who administer those programs would likely start losing jobs without that funding. Does anyone really believe that those individuals would vote in favor of other people’s children, when their own livelihoods depend on the income stream that results from these orders?
States earn money by taking one parent out of their children’s lives. It’s time to gather, organize, and help make the plans necessary to change this madness that not only hurts individual families and children - it hurts society at-large.
Any attorney will tell you that custody and child support are two different issues that should not be considered together. The truth is far different, however.
As we all know, child support is based on income and how much time the children spend with each parent. In most states, support is determine based on the share income model, whereby all income is pooled and then split, with support being paid to the parent who has the most custody time and/or lesser income. The closer each parent has to equal time, the less child support is due. So how does this affect the shared parenting movement and fathers gaining more custody?
First, we have to understand a few realities. Child support is determined by judges that are supposed to follow state guidelines. Judges and all of the support staff that prepare support orders and enact collection procedures are paid by the state. The state is funded by Federal grants that are determined by these 5 things:
(A) The paternity establishment performance level.
B) The support order performance level.
(C) The current payment performance level.
(D) The arrearage payment performance level.
(E) The cost–effectiveness performance level.
Let’s take these one at a time and discuss how they impact share parenting and other custody arrangements.
(A) Paternity establishment.—
(i) Determination of paternity establishment performance level.—
The paternity establishment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is, at the option of the State, the IV-D paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(A) or the statewide paternity establishment percentage determined under section 452(g)(2)(B).
Now, remember that custody and child support are handled separately in court. So, this section of the code is encouraging states to find fathers and determine paternity. Why? So they can collect child support, with nothing in the code to encourage that the newly identified father receive custody or even visitation from a woman who may not have even told them she was pregnant.
Further why is there no code for vigilantly enforcing child support orders against mothers? There are plenty of single fathers not receiving child support, yet you’ll not soon see stories about deadbeat mothers (despite the reality that mothers who are ordered to pay child support default in whole or in part at a percentage much higher than fathers).
(B) Establishment of child support orders.—
(i) Determination of support order performance level.—The support order performance level for a State for a fiscal year is the percentage of the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which there is a support order during the fiscal year.
Did you read that?The more cases in which child support is ordered, the more money the state receives. It’s in the states’ best interests, and the best interests of the workers of the state (the ones that are judging and deciding how much custody you get) to keep one parent out of the picture in order to maximize the number of child support dollars.
(C) Collections on current child support due.—
(i) Determination of current payment performance level.—The current payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount of current support collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount of current support owed during the fiscal year in all cases under the State plan, expressed as a percentage.
So, now that the state has forced a child support order, rather than making sure the children have equal access to both parents, the state has only assured that they are going to benefit by how much child support they actually collect. Is there anyone who doesn’t already know that children with two parents in their lives fair better than those raised by mothers alone?
This is the reason fathers, in the overwhelming majority of cases, go to jail for failure to pay child support. Meanwhile, nothing happens to mothers who withhold or deny visitation because the court has no financial incentive to hold mothers to custody agreements/orders.
(D) Collections on child support arrearages.—
(i) Determination of arrearage payment performance level.—The arrearage payment performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total number of cases under the State plan approved under this part in which payments of past–due child support were received during the fiscal year and part or all of the payments were distributed to the family to whom the past–due child support was owed (or, if all past–due child support owed to the family was, at the time of receipt, subject to an assignment to the State, part or all of the payments were retained by the State) divided by the total number of cases under the State plan in which there is past–due child support, expressed as a percentage.
As we’ve seen in many recent child support cases, arrearages are being assessed by recalculating back support orders, or even awarding attorneys fees, even when involved in contempt issues which are completely separate from support orders. The arrearages then count towards additional financial incentives the states receive. It’s in their best interests to stick non-custodial parents with as many fees as possible, rolling them into “child support orders,” in order to have the largest arrearages possible.
(E) Cost–effectiveness.—
(i) Determination of cost-effectiveness performance level.—The cost-effectiveness performance level for a State for a fiscal year is equal to the total amount collected during the fiscal year under the State plan approved under this part divided by the total amount expended during the fiscal year under the State plan, expressed as a ratio.
and
(c) Treatment of Interstate Collections.—In computing incentive payments under this section, support which is collected by a State at the request of another State shall be treated as having been collected in full by both States, and any amounts expended by a State in carrying out a special project assisted under section 455(e) shall be excluded.
While this sort of makes sense from a fiscal perspective, the results of the procedures that are put into place have a far-reaching effect on non-custodial parents and even businesses. For instance, numerous states are now switching to mandatory employment withholding instead of only enforcing this with NCP’s that are behind on child support. In one state where we have clients, this has created a nightmare with small businesses. Each month the state creates a monthly CS bill that is due, even though the actual CS is taken out partially from each paycheck. This creates an artificial “arrearage” on paper even though the NCP isn’t actually behind on child support payments. The employer has to do additional paperwork to process the arrearage. At the end of the month, when the payor is caught up, the business receives another automatic modification notice removing the extra payment for the arrearage. At the beginning of the next month, the client’s child support account is charged for the forthcoming month’s child support. This means they are “behind” and the cycle starts all over again for HR managers across the state.
The second portion of this code affects of lot NCP’s who have moved for work or even to follow the custodial parent after they moved-away with the children. Courts will not relinquish custody cases to new states or counties without a huge fight, because then they will not be able to collect all of those child support related monetary incentives. Of course, the new state wants that money, so they decided to just count it for both states which gives your new state incentive to jail NCP’s and enforce other harshly punitive measures against the child support payor for failure to pay child support.
Is it any wonder why shared parenting is not the norm in the U.S. despite the fact that everyone knows children having both parents in their lives is the best situation possible when it’s logistically feasible and there are no provable issues related to one (or both) parents in terms of their parental fitness? If states pass and enforce shared parenting laws, they stand to lose millions of dollars. Nationwide it is more than a $4-BILLION INDUSTRY! Yes, it’s an industry.
In 2008, the child support incentive fund was $483,000,000 and the fund paid for 66% of state workers compensation. If states lost this money, 66% of the money funding those benefits would vanish. The people who administer those programs would likely start losing jobs without that funding. Does anyone really believe that those individuals would vote in favor of other people’s children, when their own livelihoods depend on the income stream that results from these orders?
States earn money by taking one parent out of their children’s lives. It’s time to gather, organize, and help make the plans necessary to change this madness that not only hurts individual families and children - it hurts society at-large.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Marriage the Next Time Around
Make Your Second Marriage a Success!
It’s a proven fact that second marriages suffer a divorce rate higher than first marriages because of a simple, yet serious mistakes that people make when they re-marry.
Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”
If we are to learn anything from our first failed marriage it should be the fact that you need to re-marry with intense CAUTION. Here are several suggestions that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:
1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying this time.....
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are equal with your spouse’s. And I’m not just talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining step-children, love & affection, sex etc.
Being unable to agree about beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
Do not make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce
Write down every thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. List even the little things because after a few years they become BIG THINGS!
Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be jealouse?
Did you and your ex have money problems in your marriage... Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce.
Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry that you didn't later.
3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.
Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Do not make the mistake of thinking this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
Few people are thinking straight if they remarry too quickly.
Though you may not want to hear this right now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.
4. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough...Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.
To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or the other person that “caused” your last divorce, you were 1/2 of that failed marriage, accept your involvement in your failed marriage.
It is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce.
Two opposite “values” or "belief's" can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:
Internet porn-adultery
Infidelity
Over-sensitivity
Lack of intimacy
Excessive fighting
Confusing and unclear communication
Not enough quality time due to busy schedules
Unsolvable children issues
Inability to find the real source of conflicts
It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.
There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...not with your future spouse or your last spouse. If you are truly emotionally and legally divorced you will have no need to explain your failed marriage to your ex.
5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations of Each Other.
It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations and needs are shockingly different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.
If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.
6. Wait to re-marry until you are over your divorce!
If you are in a constant battle with your ex over the kids or money, you are not in a possition to drag a third person into the mix. Do your self and everyone involved, wait until the kids are settled or grown and your ex is settled. Re-marrying will only ad increased stress to an already stressfull and tense situation. Many ex's will try anything to maintain any sort of a "Marrital relationship" with their former spouse that they can, make sure you know if you are in that relationship.
If you find yourself having to constantly defend your previous marriage to and with your ex spouse, you certainly are not ready for a third person to be thrown into the mix.
Be very aware of your future marriage partners relationship with his / her ex, they may still be too connected and not emotionally available to begin a new relationship with you if they are constantly dealing with the last failed marriage.
Good luck!
With some thought, you can have a successfull second marriage and beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate that is now over 60% !
It’s a proven fact that second marriages suffer a divorce rate higher than first marriages because of a simple, yet serious mistakes that people make when they re-marry.
Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”
If we are to learn anything from our first failed marriage it should be the fact that you need to re-marry with intense CAUTION. Here are several suggestions that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:
1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying this time.....
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are equal with your spouse’s. And I’m not just talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining step-children, love & affection, sex etc.
Being unable to agree about beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
Do not make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce
Write down every thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. List even the little things because after a few years they become BIG THINGS!
Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be jealouse?
Did you and your ex have money problems in your marriage... Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce.
Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry that you didn't later.
3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.
Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Do not make the mistake of thinking this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
Few people are thinking straight if they remarry too quickly.
Though you may not want to hear this right now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.
4. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough...Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.
To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or the other person that “caused” your last divorce, you were 1/2 of that failed marriage, accept your involvement in your failed marriage.
It is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce.
Two opposite “values” or "belief's" can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:
Internet porn-adultery
Infidelity
Over-sensitivity
Lack of intimacy
Excessive fighting
Confusing and unclear communication
Not enough quality time due to busy schedules
Unsolvable children issues
Inability to find the real source of conflicts
It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.
There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...not with your future spouse or your last spouse. If you are truly emotionally and legally divorced you will have no need to explain your failed marriage to your ex.
5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations of Each Other.
It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations and needs are shockingly different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.
If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.
6. Wait to re-marry until you are over your divorce!
If you are in a constant battle with your ex over the kids or money, you are not in a possition to drag a third person into the mix. Do your self and everyone involved, wait until the kids are settled or grown and your ex is settled. Re-marrying will only ad increased stress to an already stressfull and tense situation. Many ex's will try anything to maintain any sort of a "Marrital relationship" with their former spouse that they can, make sure you know if you are in that relationship.
If you find yourself having to constantly defend your previous marriage to and with your ex spouse, you certainly are not ready for a third person to be thrown into the mix.
Be very aware of your future marriage partners relationship with his / her ex, they may still be too connected and not emotionally available to begin a new relationship with you if they are constantly dealing with the last failed marriage.
Good luck!
With some thought, you can have a successfull second marriage and beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate that is now over 60% !
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